The Beam in My Own Eye (Or: How I Judged My Husband for Being Judgmental)

The news gets heavier by the day. And if I'm honest? I've been carrying that weight in ways that aren't serving anyone—least of all me.

I caught myself this week judging my husband for being closed-minded and lacking compassion... while at the same time being completely closed-minded and lacking compassion toward him.

Classic.

The Splinter and the Beam

There's this passage from Matthew that's been sitting with me since my meditation Sunday: "Why do you measure the splinter in your brother's eye, but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own eye?"

I was so focused on the splinter of his political views, his lack of empathy for "the other side," that I completely missed the massive beam in my own eye: I wasn't extending him any empathy either.

The thing I was most upset about in him? I was doing it right back.

When Judgment Becomes the Mirror

Here's what I'm learning (again, because apparently I need to learn this lesson on repeat): Our most vehement judgments often reveal our deepest shadows.

The very thing that triggers our rage in another is frequently the disowned part of ourselves we've buried deep.

I accused him of being closed-minded. But was I being open-minded toward his perspective? No.

I judged him for lacking compassion. But was I offering him compassion? Also no.

We're all judgmental. Every single one of us. The question isn't "am I?" The question is: "Where is my judgment showing me what I refuse to see in myself?"

The World Doesn't Need More Division

The world is divided enough. Communities are hurting. People are exhausted from the weight of it all—the doomscrolling, the outrage, the constant reaction to whatever "they" are doing wrong.

Whether they are federal agents or protesters, family members or strangers on social media, people on the left or the right—we're all caught in the same cycle: judge them, justify ourselves, repeat.

But what if we started with compassion for ourselves AND others?

Not because it's noble. Not because we're bypassing real harm or pretending everything is fine.

But because judgment—even righteous judgment—keeps us small. It keeps us stuck in reaction instead of response. It keeps us from seeing clearly.

The Question I'm Sitting With

So today, I'm asking myself—and maybe you need to ask too:

"Can I find compassion here to see them as human just like me?"

The honest answer? On the surface, no. Not even close.

But if I dig deeper—past my ego, past my rage, past my fear—down to that place of my wholeness, to the part of me that knows we're all doing the best we can with what we have...

There. There I can.

A Practice for the Pause

If you're feeling the weight of the world right now, if you're exhausted from the cycle of judgment and reaction, maybe you need what I needed this week:

A pause. A breath. A moment of compassion—starting with yourself.

I recorded a Compassion During Challenging Times Meditation - a Take 5 spin on loving kindness meditation for exactly this. It's not about fixing anything or bypassing pain. It's about softening enough to see clearly.

Because the world doesn't need more people collapsing under the weight of their judgment—of others or themselves.

The world needs people who've done the hard work of seeing their own beam clearly, with compassion, so they can show up with wisdom instead of reactivity.

That's how we serve love. Not by being perfect. But by being honest about where we're still learning.

If you need ongoing support for this kind of work, the Take 5 Membership offers weekly practices, live classes, and a community that gets it. We're practicing this together—one breath, one pause, one moment of compassion at a time.